Yes,It’s a beautiful lie.Have you seen American Beauty?Things are not what they seem.That red rose has this name: The American Beauty.It would be the perfect rose if it wasn’t for the fact that it doesn’t smell.It is so perfect at first sight,but when you get closer ,you see that there’s something wrong with it.
I’m the American Beauty.Not that I’m perfect in any way,it’s just that at first sight I seem such a nice friendly normal person.Who could ever tell that in fact I’m this mess.That’s the problem with those who suffer from mental illnesses.When you see someone with a broken arm,you feel sorry,but you’ve never seen someone with a broken brain.How can you tell that someone has a broken soul?You really can’t ,can you?And it’s not that I wanted people to feel sorry for me.As I’ve told million times,I just want to be understood.I just want to be hugged,loved maybe accepted,I don’t know.
I guess I am loved,actually,I know I am.I have some close people who really care.But sometimes it’s not enough.I know how hard they try to help,but the truth is that nobody can help.The only help I need is a little patience and love.
I talk about leaving,running away…the only person I want to run away from is myself and since this is quite difficult to be done,I guess I just have to cry myself out ,write as much as I can,suffer a little bit more,question my own decisions,decide to kill myself and then,get over all this crap once again.AS I ALWAYS DO.
It is just that I believe that one day I’ll get so sick of it that I’ll really do it…I mean,vanish….